Santa's last Christmas.

According to this picture, it's all over for the fat man.

POW! right in the kisser

http://www.sockandawe.com/

my trip to melody records

on sunday december 14th 2008 i went to church in the district of columbia with jeffery pollack.

i had planned to stop by melody records on the way home to pick up a christmas gift for my sister and two compact discs for myself.

after a nice mass at st. augustine, i hopped on the yellow line at u street.

rode a couple stops and got off at chinatown to wait for a red line train to dupont circle, the location of melody records.

while waiting, a bespectacled, balding, 6'-2", portly, middle-aged man started talking to me.

he was wearing a large maroon parka, carried a satchel, and looked as if he could be related to jim gaffigan.

below i have transcribed a few excerpts from the conversation.

i wrote it in play format and was going to call this man's character "parka man" but i decided "creep" was more fitting.

creep: have you finished you christmas shopping yet?

me: going to pick up the last gift now.

creep: oh what are you getting?

me: maybe a cd for my sister.

creep: oh what does she listen to?

me: everything

creep: well that makes it easy.

me: yup

creep: i haven't done any of my christmas shopping.

me: good luck.

creep: yeah my brother's family is pretty affluent and i have no idea what to get them.

me: hmm

creep: your family must lavish you with gifts at christmas.

me: no, not really.

creep: so what do you want for christmas?

me: i don't know.

creep: c'mon you have to want something.

me: maybe a new suit.

creep: 38 regular

me: 38 long

creep: that means you're skinnier than models. models have to be 40 regular. it's good to be skinny... and long.

me: (no response)

creep: i'm moving in a month and i'll be able to walk to work.

me: that's good, i walk to work.

creep: oh what do you do?

me: i'm an architect.

creep: you could design your own house some day.

me: yup.

creep: think of all the cool things you could put it. energy saving appliances. 

me: probably

creep: bidets?

me: nope

creep: oh not your thing?

me: nope

creep: oh is this dupont already? glad you were paying attention. you know there are 6 starbucks at dupont circle? you have to be very specific if you are meeting someone for coffee.

getting off the train i saw my chance to get away.

he had one of those black brace/cast things on his foot so i assumed he couldn't move quickly.

i said "have a nice day" and cruised up the fast lane of the escalator.

when i got to the long escalator at dupont i didn't slow down.

even though it was moving (not temporarily stairs), i treated the escalator like stairs and stepped up all six thousand steps.

(dupont is really deep for those of you unfamiliar with dc.)

i reached the top and my legs were burning but at least i was free.

i set off to enjoy my trip to the record shop.

after perusing their cd's for a bit, i found what i was looking for and was pleased to find out both albums were on sale.

i was thinking about checking for something else when suddenly i could feel someone standing behind me.

"you sure got out of the metro in a hurry" says the creep from the metro.

**insert scary knife noise from psycho WEAH! WEAH! WEAH!**

the creep had followed me to the record shop!

creep: can i buy you a cup of coffee?

me: (turns to walk away)

creep: wait wait don't go (fumbling through satchel) 

me: (a moment of hesitation)

creep: (pulls out a small unused notebook) who are you? write down your info.

me: why?

creep: so we can get some coffee sometime.

me: i don't think so (walks to cashier and pays for cds)

creep: (waits by the door)

me: (walks briskly out of the store)

creep: i hope she likes them! (if you remember i was buying a gift for my sister) 

me: she will.

when i get back to the metro, there is an interminable 15 minute wait for the next train in the direction of glenmont.

luckily the creep never showed up and i was able to return to my somewhat normal life only slightly scarred by the experience.

moral of the story.

if you're not traveling with friends, keep your nose in a book and wear headphones at all times while in the metro system.

Caption Contest Anyone?

Our good Pal Nick spotted this one and thought it was Juice Party worthy....oh the shame.

Syracuse sanctions Devendorf for alleged assault

There aren't too many of us Devendorfs out there, so when one of them punches a girl in the face and gets suspended for the remainder of the semester, the rest of us tend to get slightly offended that the one with any degree of noteriety is giving the rest of us a bad name. They're still going to let him play though, so I hope next week against Long Beach State, Donovan Morris will decide to dunk while giving him a face full of non girl punching genetalia.

I'll kill that plumber

I think I knew that this gem was out there in the world of cinema, but I hadn't actually seen it until this weekend, and I couldn't believe that Dennis Hopper and John Leguizamo were both in it.


It did remind me that next time we all get together there will have to be some watching of Blenk's extensive collection of Ninja Turtles DVDs.

OC Floro

just to let all of ya'll know...just got a call from floro. calling because he is going to be coming up here over his christmas break/new years.

anyways, he is doing well...says his class of 50 is down to 33. that his drill instructor is kicking all of their asses...and that he is quote 'cut' now...lost any fat that he had. running in 80 degree hallways in sweats three times a day....sounds like he is through the toughest part both mentally and physically...so thats good.

just to let everyone know...he will be here in boston for the new years...so i think were gonna try to organize a lil get-t0gether...so anyone wanting to come up to boston for new years...lemme know. were thinking of a pretty good time.

hal

I'ma get you Gorilla!

Dry Mouth.

HA!

-Jeff

I thought I'd continue this short lived morning sessions tradition.

Happy Wednesday Guys!

Can't wait for this coming weekend in DC.

To quote the great Tracy Morgan: "Somebody gonna get pregnant"

-Hal

Hairy Eyeball!

Happy Tuesday everyone.

-Jeff

this weekend....

this guy will be in full force

HA!

The hilarity of this picture refuses to diminish over time.

I laugh every time I see it.

This is My Neighborhood.

Following Brad's neighborhood post...I felt it neccesary to provide a photo of mine.  Although I feel like the people who walk in here now might not be so "anonimos."

Blenk

Seaside's very own den of sin

I give you the "No Tell Motel"


The new owner is at least keeping it fairly reputable in that there are no hourly rates... yet.

I knew it!

So this show IS based on real people and real events!!!

No wonder people don't take mass transit.

This snazzy ride was in front of me this morning on the way to work.

"The Most Important Gift Catalog in the World"

I recently received a catalog in the mail making the bold claim above. "What wiz-bang gadgets could the most important gift catalog in the world contain?" you ask yourself.

"A Swiss army iPhone?" Nope! Try cattle.

I could not make this up. It is in fact a catalog for charitable livestock gift giving for the 2008 holiday season. Why not donate a cow, sheep, or llama to those in need? It seems like a legit charity, Heifer International, although these pictures are just ridiculous.

The most incredible thing about this is that the catalog was addressed directly to me. Not to 'current resident', or to any previous tennant, just me.

The perfect gifts for everyone on my list, how did they know!?!

-Tom

Michigan Fans! Unite!

Niiiiiiiiiiiice.

-Jeff

Maybe the worst thing I've seen all day...

Phillies fans....yikes.

It's that time of the year again.

I wish, I wish, I wish.....

this is what i do.

-hal

yup.

Afternoon delight...

As I was casually browsing the internet yesterday I came across a MSN article that featured LOLcats and other "meme's" as I have come to find out they are called. Overall the article was well-written and informative, however I took issue with the following example they listed:

RICKROLLING (2008) — an online prank in which users are unexpectedly linked to the ghastly Rick Astley music video "Never Gonna Give You Up."

Ghastly? Nay, I beg to disagree.

The "Rickrolling" title did lead to a wiki article that further elaborated on this phenomenon: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickrolling

A little snippet for you...

Rick Astley's reaction

In a March 2008 interview, Astley said that he found the Rickrolling of Scientology to be "hilarious"; he also said that he will not try to capitalize on the Rickroll phenomenon with a new recording or remix of his own, but that he'd be happy to have other artists remix it. Overall, Astley is fine with the phenomenon, stating that he finds it "bizarre and funny" and that his only concern is that his "daughter doesn't get embarrassed about it."^[53] However, a spokesperson for Astley's record label released a comment which showed that Astley's interest with the phenomenon had faded, as they stated "I'm sorry, but he's done talking about Rickrolling."^[54]

Two things come to mind: Who has the time to write a wikipedia article on this? And second, rickroll scientology? Fantastic idea, wish I would have thought of it first.

Go Irish! Beat bye week!

Man, I hope there's a Sequel.

Delicious

For some reason I got a spontaneous White Castle craving this afternoon.

Mmmm yeah, that's the stuff.

-Jeff

Presenting...Red Steel

Mysterious

Debonaire

Confident

Pensive

Defiant

Red Steel

Who knew Greg was such a Man about London

Looks like Greg had fun in London

Good to have you back bud...even if you had to leave all your new friends.

That's it!

I could never quite put my finger on what Jimmy Clausen reminded me of.  Sorry if you have already seen this, it was new to me.

Can we all do this in our neighborhoods?

For Fartismo Hitchcock

There has been a complaint from a reader that we haven't put anything new up lately. Let's call her E. Stalica. No, that's too obvious. Elizabeth S. Yes, that's better. This person has requested a post on a "more interesting" topic. Taking into account the likes and dislikes of this individual, here's a "more interesting" post.

A Selection of Films With Prolific 80's Music Stars as Actors

by Jeff Pollack

We'll start off with the gimme.

The Wedding Singer - Billy Idol

Such a gimme.

The Wiz - Michael Jackson

This one is chock full 'o 80's musicians, so take your pick. MJ came to mind first.

Oliver and Company - Billy Joel

Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria!

Mars Attacks - Tom Jones

His music kills the Martians. Hmmmm.....

Duets - Huey Lewis

Gwenyth Paltrow also sings in this one. Hmmmm..........

Dune - Sting

I got so wrapped up in this movie the first time I watched it as a kid it kept me up until 3 in the morning. I was a huge nerd. Still am.

Labyrinth - David Bowie

You freaky Bowie.

This is by no means an exhaustive list and only includes movies I've seen and could get off the top of my head on a Tuesday afternoon. Feel free to suggest additions.

Ok Stalica, chew on that for a while.

In case you hadnt seen this.

If you can, check out the high quality version over on youtube itself. It gets me pretty fired up.

Dammit

My cot damn banana made everything else in my lunch taste like it today. Shit.

-Jeff

Funny Enough to Share

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Beware of Skunk Bear

So this is why a wolverine doesn't run out on the field ahead of the Michigan players...





"My rule is Tom can't blink"

Funny Story...Martin's heard of Street Pizza too.

Sunshine... on a rainy day.

Jimmy must have read the posting where he was compared to the lead singer of SUM-41. Evidently, being compared to a So-Cal Punk Rock frontman didn't suit him, so he decided to try on So-Cal turned Southern Quarterback. I present to you, Exhibit "A"

The best part about his new do is that it is inherently conducive to throwing touchdown passes. Don't believe me? Just watch Remember the Titans a few more times. I just hope he hasn't taken his idolization of Sunshine so far as to be kissing Maurice Crum in the locker room.

And Now a Word from Our Sponsors

This Message Brought to You by

Ice Cold Natty Light

and

a Handel of Jameson

There are good ships

and there are wood ships,

The Ships that sail the Sea.

But the best ships, are friendships

And may they always be.

Thank you Notre Dame Fan who thought 4 tired and soaked Notre Dame men looked like they needed a cold beverage....or three.

Quickly Becoming A Favorite

You owe it to yourself to check out more of these photos:

http://www.pbase.com/aaltenburger/nd_v_michigan&page=all

BLENK