Santa's last Christmas.

According to this picture, it's all over for the fat man.

POW! right in the kisser

http://www.sockandawe.com/

my trip to melody records

on sunday december 14th 2008 i went to church in the district of columbia with jeffery pollack.

i had planned to stop by melody records on the way home to pick up a christmas gift for my sister and two compact discs for myself.

after a nice mass at st. augustine, i hopped on the yellow line at u street.

rode a couple stops and got off at chinatown to wait for a red line train to dupont circle, the location of melody records.

while waiting, a bespectacled, balding, 6'-2", portly, middle-aged man started talking to me.

he was wearing a large maroon parka, carried a satchel, and looked as if he could be related to jim gaffigan.

below i have transcribed a few excerpts from the conversation.

i wrote it in play format and was going to call this man's character "parka man" but i decided "creep" was more fitting.

creep: have you finished you christmas shopping yet?

me: going to pick up the last gift now.

creep: oh what are you getting?

me: maybe a cd for my sister.

creep: oh what does she listen to?

me: everything

creep: well that makes it easy.

me: yup

creep: i haven't done any of my christmas shopping.

me: good luck.

creep: yeah my brother's family is pretty affluent and i have no idea what to get them.

me: hmm

creep: your family must lavish you with gifts at christmas.

me: no, not really.

creep: so what do you want for christmas?

me: i don't know.

creep: c'mon you have to want something.

me: maybe a new suit.

creep: 38 regular

me: 38 long

creep: that means you're skinnier than models. models have to be 40 regular. it's good to be skinny... and long.

me: (no response)

creep: i'm moving in a month and i'll be able to walk to work.

me: that's good, i walk to work.

creep: oh what do you do?

me: i'm an architect.

creep: you could design your own house some day.

me: yup.

creep: think of all the cool things you could put it. energy saving appliances. 

me: probably

creep: bidets?

me: nope

creep: oh not your thing?

me: nope

creep: oh is this dupont already? glad you were paying attention. you know there are 6 starbucks at dupont circle? you have to be very specific if you are meeting someone for coffee.

getting off the train i saw my chance to get away.

he had one of those black brace/cast things on his foot so i assumed he couldn't move quickly.

i said "have a nice day" and cruised up the fast lane of the escalator.

when i got to the long escalator at dupont i didn't slow down.

even though it was moving (not temporarily stairs), i treated the escalator like stairs and stepped up all six thousand steps.

(dupont is really deep for those of you unfamiliar with dc.)

i reached the top and my legs were burning but at least i was free.

i set off to enjoy my trip to the record shop.

after perusing their cd's for a bit, i found what i was looking for and was pleased to find out both albums were on sale.

i was thinking about checking for something else when suddenly i could feel someone standing behind me.

"you sure got out of the metro in a hurry" says the creep from the metro.

**insert scary knife noise from psycho WEAH! WEAH! WEAH!**

the creep had followed me to the record shop!

creep: can i buy you a cup of coffee?

me: (turns to walk away)

creep: wait wait don't go (fumbling through satchel) 

me: (a moment of hesitation)

creep: (pulls out a small unused notebook) who are you? write down your info.

me: why?

creep: so we can get some coffee sometime.

me: i don't think so (walks to cashier and pays for cds)

creep: (waits by the door)

me: (walks briskly out of the store)

creep: i hope she likes them! (if you remember i was buying a gift for my sister) 

me: she will.

when i get back to the metro, there is an interminable 15 minute wait for the next train in the direction of glenmont.

luckily the creep never showed up and i was able to return to my somewhat normal life only slightly scarred by the experience.

moral of the story.

if you're not traveling with friends, keep your nose in a book and wear headphones at all times while in the metro system.

Caption Contest Anyone?

Our good Pal Nick spotted this one and thought it was Juice Party worthy....oh the shame.

Syracuse sanctions Devendorf for alleged assault

There aren't too many of us Devendorfs out there, so when one of them punches a girl in the face and gets suspended for the remainder of the semester, the rest of us tend to get slightly offended that the one with any degree of noteriety is giving the rest of us a bad name. They're still going to let him play though, so I hope next week against Long Beach State, Donovan Morris will decide to dunk while giving him a face full of non girl punching genetalia.

I'll kill that plumber

I think I knew that this gem was out there in the world of cinema, but I hadn't actually seen it until this weekend, and I couldn't believe that Dennis Hopper and John Leguizamo were both in it.


It did remind me that next time we all get together there will have to be some watching of Blenk's extensive collection of Ninja Turtles DVDs.