How to Stop Office Gossip - Works Every Time

Check out this video that a co-worker sent around the office. Be sure to read the accompanying commentary by his friend.

The following is my friend Mark's response to that email with the lady that punches that other lady in the face:

"The rather obese lady who delivered that punch (and her tubby sidekick) were probably upset that Plaid Lady (aka "Big Red") ate the last 4 dozen donuts.

I believe that maneuver is called the "underhand donkey-punch" and it works with devastating efficiency. The woman that landed the blow was not a small lady by any stretch of the imagination, but I think that "Big Red" has only her love of pecan pie to thank for being able to take that powerful punch standing up. You can actually see her many chins acting as a shock-absorber to lighten the blow from her overweight opponent.

Just look at those four women!!! If I had ladies that large walking around my office, the coffee in the cup on my desk would quake a la Jurassic Park. I would play dead in the hallway and hope that they wouldn't devour me whole, or run for the hills and find a new job for fear of becoming a mid-afternoon snack for one of those belugas...

After this video was taken, the four women put their differences aside and celebrated by drinking an entire trough of melted butter before eating an entire hippopotamus.

Somebody call Greenpeace!"

-T

SIR! WE HAVE A....

SITUATION....

The beauty of the word is it works with anything, try it for your self, it's FANTASTIC!

Example: I'm too sexy for my situation

later bitches

Floro

After a brief Hiatus

Washington, DC

Gentleman,

I know we've all taken a bit of time re cooperating and such, but now it's time to get back to the funny. Hopefully we all had fun and relaxing Thanksgiving breaks. Seeing my family was a plus, but I digress. I found this video the other day and was in tears. Then I sent it to someone in my office, who then forwarded it to everyone in my office. Now everyone is in hysterics about this. Enjoy fellas. And don't worry, you don't need any volume to think this is funny.


Japanese Binocular Soccer - Watch more free videos

Get back at me.

Blenk

This Thanksgiving I'm Thankful For....

The mass turkeycide that is Turkey Day. Those poor bastards...they never had a chance.


Happy Thanksgiving gentlemen.

-Floro

Happiness is....

beating Duke? Sadly, it has come to this. I'm excited we beat Duke...in football....at home. Thank goodness tho, I can't imagine the alternative. Anyone see www.dukesuperbowl.com? Funny at first, then painful when you realize the truth of it. Senior Day does bring back fond memories of the House tailgate, strapping on marshmallows, and millions of inflatable footballs. Hope everyone has a good Turkey Day.

Phif the Fourth

BOOB.

that is all...hope all is well.

A Friend's Advice

Recently Mr. Weckman sent me an email inquiring about a suggestion for a bit of party planning.

Here is the query:

hey my buddy at work needs some beer advice how much beer do you need for like 40 people who like to drink he thought 2 kegs we said that was too much probably just one keg and some cans what do you think?

Kevin Weckman

And my response:

Hmmmmm

2 Kegs is roughly 320 beers, +/- depending on foam of course. So....If you each are willing and able to drink 8 beers, It could work. The reality of a kegger though is that girls don't drink 8 beers. Matter of fact, statistically speaking, girls drink about 3 beers at any given party. Of course you have "wild cards" as I call them (i.e. Katty Roos, Sons Perons, Hilbert) but we are talking statistics. Since I know you are a baller, I already know that your party ratio will be at least 2:3, guys:girls. So generalizing a 40 person party means about 27 girls to 13 guys. If we use our preconceived numbers, 27 girls will consume 81 of the beers. The guys will need to pick up the slack and drink 239 beverages, our roughly 18 beers a piece. I've already said this, but you are a baller, meaning I am already pretty positive your friends are ballers, therefore 18 beers per guy is hardly a standard, but certainly attainable average. You are a baller.

Now to examine possible variables:

A. Keg Foam

B. Games

C. Guy:Girl Ratio (C. does not apply, you are a baller.)

A. If you decide to roll the kegs up to your front door after driving the bumpiest path to your humble abode, then yes, your magic number of 320 will decrease along the bell curve system, losing many beers early and tapering of with the progression of time. Since this is the least likely of your choices, I'd stick with 320 as a good working number.

B. If any games are to be played (beer pong and flip cup having the greatest effect on beer consumption) then the numbers change. Beer pong seems fairly harmless, going through 4 beers a game (if you are pouring by ABPA standards). BUT, if someone gets a hot hand, and I know you will (you are a baller), running the table for 10 games is very likely, at which point, you will already have handed out your pre-req. 8, well on your way to your nightly goal of 18. Flip cup, however fun, is an atrocious waste of that delicious golden brown. You got to make that cup stick the landing, and who else but a little convincer poured on the table can do that. No one. That said, I still play flip cup.

C. Although this of course doesn't apply to you, knowing the possibilities for far lamer parties is always good. Scientific data is scientific data. A party with the opposite ratio from yours which I have estimated, will donate 39 beautiful beers to the beautiful lady fund. This leaves 281 for the men of the house. But with your increased guy ratio, your numbers plummet to only drinking 10 beers a piece, and who wants to do that. As I've proven in B, 10 beers is what you are gona hand out on your beer pong hot streak. I'm sure you want to get your drink on too!

From this expert analysis...I have concluded that 2 kegs is a perfectly legitimate number.

BUT, knowing that we have not taken two other factors into account (mean age of party attendee and night of the week) I can only do my best to put a good, educated guess on this one. My advice will therefore conclude with a call for 1 keg and 3 cases. This allows for less waste, if that was even possible. As well as having a small variety of differing tastes to experience. For knowledge's sake a keg is approx. 6.5 cases. So a call of 1 keg 3 cases is about 1.5 kegs. This will provide you with approx. 232 beers, or from our predetermined ratio, 81 beers for the ladies and 151 for the bros. Which still works out nicely to about 12 beers per guy. Nice.

- Blenk

Alcohol Consumption Analyst

PS - You are a baller.

Thought it was an enjoyable read.

PS - You are all ballers.

- Blenk

shut up brad

Finally

I pulled this off of Fox News...

BOSTON — The Massachusetts Institute of Technology has sued world-renowned architect Frank Gehry, alleging serious design flaws in the Stata Center, a building widely celebrated for its unconventional walls and radical angles.

The suit says MIT paid Los Angeles-based Gehry Partners $15 million to design the Stata Center, which cost $300 million to build.

The school alleges that soon after its completion in spring 2004, the center's outdoor amphitheater began to crack due to drainage problems. The suit says snow and ice fell dangerously from window boxes and other areas of its roofs, blocking emergency exits and damaging parts of the building.

The building has persistent leaks and mold grew on the center's brick exterior, the suit alleges.

"Gehry breached its duties by providing deficient design services and drawings," according to the suit, which also names the construction company, New Jersey-based Beacon Skanska Construction Company, now known as Skanska USA Building Inc.

The suit, filed in Suffolk Superior Court in Boston on Oct. 31, seeks unspecified damages for costs and expenses incurred by MIT.

Gehry Partners did not respond to calls and e-mails Monday from The Boston Globe. A spokesman for MIT declined to comment because of the pending lawsuit.

An executive at Skanska's Boston office said Gehry ignored warnings from Skanska and a consulting company prior to construction that there were flaws in his design of the amphitheater.

"This is not a construction issue, never has been," said Paul Hewins, executive vice president and area general manager of Skanska USA.

Hewins said Skanska, whose work includes the New England Patriots' Gillette Stadium, attended mediation with MIT but was unable to resolve all issues.

Gehry is one of the world's most famous architects. His work includes the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, and the Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles.

The 400,000-square-foot Ray and Maria Stata Center houses labs, offices, classrooms and meeting rooms, and features a "street" that winds through the ground floor.

-Brad

I Will Crush You!

Looking through the firm's marketing drive the other day trying to find precedent images, I came across something unexpected. I guess if you dig deep enough into the file structure there's no telling what you'll find.

-Jeff