A Friend's Advice

Recently Mr. Weckman sent me an email inquiring about a suggestion for a bit of party planning.

Here is the query:

hey my buddy at work needs some beer advice how much beer do you need for like 40 people who like to drink he thought 2 kegs we said that was too much probably just one keg and some cans what do you think?

Kevin Weckman

And my response:

Hmmmmm

2 Kegs is roughly 320 beers, +/- depending on foam of course. So....If you each are willing and able to drink 8 beers, It could work. The reality of a kegger though is that girls don't drink 8 beers. Matter of fact, statistically speaking, girls drink about 3 beers at any given party. Of course you have "wild cards" as I call them (i.e. Katty Roos, Sons Perons, Hilbert) but we are talking statistics. Since I know you are a baller, I already know that your party ratio will be at least 2:3, guys:girls. So generalizing a 40 person party means about 27 girls to 13 guys. If we use our preconceived numbers, 27 girls will consume 81 of the beers. The guys will need to pick up the slack and drink 239 beverages, our roughly 18 beers a piece. I've already said this, but you are a baller, meaning I am already pretty positive your friends are ballers, therefore 18 beers per guy is hardly a standard, but certainly attainable average. You are a baller.

Now to examine possible variables:

A. Keg Foam

B. Games

C. Guy:Girl Ratio (C. does not apply, you are a baller.)

A. If you decide to roll the kegs up to your front door after driving the bumpiest path to your humble abode, then yes, your magic number of 320 will decrease along the bell curve system, losing many beers early and tapering of with the progression of time. Since this is the least likely of your choices, I'd stick with 320 as a good working number.

B. If any games are to be played (beer pong and flip cup having the greatest effect on beer consumption) then the numbers change. Beer pong seems fairly harmless, going through 4 beers a game (if you are pouring by ABPA standards). BUT, if someone gets a hot hand, and I know you will (you are a baller), running the table for 10 games is very likely, at which point, you will already have handed out your pre-req. 8, well on your way to your nightly goal of 18. Flip cup, however fun, is an atrocious waste of that delicious golden brown. You got to make that cup stick the landing, and who else but a little convincer poured on the table can do that. No one. That said, I still play flip cup.

C. Although this of course doesn't apply to you, knowing the possibilities for far lamer parties is always good. Scientific data is scientific data. A party with the opposite ratio from yours which I have estimated, will donate 39 beautiful beers to the beautiful lady fund. This leaves 281 for the men of the house. But with your increased guy ratio, your numbers plummet to only drinking 10 beers a piece, and who wants to do that. As I've proven in B, 10 beers is what you are gona hand out on your beer pong hot streak. I'm sure you want to get your drink on too!

From this expert analysis...I have concluded that 2 kegs is a perfectly legitimate number.

BUT, knowing that we have not taken two other factors into account (mean age of party attendee and night of the week) I can only do my best to put a good, educated guess on this one. My advice will therefore conclude with a call for 1 keg and 3 cases. This allows for less waste, if that was even possible. As well as having a small variety of differing tastes to experience. For knowledge's sake a keg is approx. 6.5 cases. So a call of 1 keg 3 cases is about 1.5 kegs. This will provide you with approx. 232 beers, or from our predetermined ratio, 81 beers for the ladies and 151 for the bros. Which still works out nicely to about 12 beers per guy. Nice.

- Blenk

Alcohol Consumption Analyst

PS - You are a baller.

Thought it was an enjoyable read.

PS - You are all ballers.

- Blenk